snow

Alas, I have nothing interesting to say. Instead, I thought I'd share some photos with you of our first snow fall since my arriving home. It isn't much snow, I know, but still worth some recognition I think:

winter evening

It's been snowing outside all day long. The backyard is beginning to resemble a winter-wonderland with it's dusted trees, bushes, frozen creek, and rolling white hills (or hill...). Meanwhile, inside, it's quite cold. Not exactly how it should be; the kitchen, in particular, makes me shiver to the core. But at night, when all is dark (save for the light that floods across our front yard from Home Depot's parking lot), we turn on our lights and the Christmas tree in the living room glistens with dancing color. Instead of building a fire in the fireplace, we light candles that emit a soft glow. There is really nothing better than wrapping up in cozy blanket as we lounge on the couch and chairs by the fireplace, sipping hot cocoa, munching on holiday treats, and watching some random episode from a British murder mystery tv show we came across at the library. As Christmas day draws closer, those murder mysteries often turn to holiday movies (How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Charlie Brown's Christmas, Muppet Christmas Carol, and It's a Wonderful Life are my favorites).
During moments like these, it's easy to forget the squabbles, the fights, the bickering, the yelling, the anger so often expressed in my home. Maybe that's because the three youngest, who most often vent these feelings, are in bed by this time. Or maybe it's because we all enjoy being together, relaxed and comfortable. Or maybe there is another reason. Whatever that may be, however, I'm glad it happens.

No moral of the story type post, but I wanted to share.

beginning of my holiday

I wasn't home more than two days before it hit me, that disease that inflicts the college student when they're home on holiday and don't have to work. This is a first (and last) for me, and while I'm trying to enjoy not having homework, deadlines, a job, etc., I can't help it. I've bit hit by the "disease," and hit hard. I'm bored stiff. My mind is screaming: Give me something to do! Get me out of this house! Never in my life have I been so excited for the rest of my college buddies to get home so that I will finally have something to do.
However, I didn't actually realize any of this until my friend Joseph pointed it out. He had asked me if I were bored, and I said no. So he proceeded to ask me what I was doing before everyone came home to keep from being bored. After I told him my plans, he replied with, "ok, so you're bored." Yikes.
Maybe I'd better work on some things to keep me occupied until the friends come home. If you have any ideas, please do share!

beautiful melancholy

What are instant inspirations? Do they have meaning before they are contemplated, pondered, and broken down into moments of the beautiful and the melancholy?
We often define our lives by these moments, fleeting and inspired by feelings that have no logical direction in mind. We escape into the corners of worlds that we have created for ourselves when no one has been looking. Afraid to leave, afraid someone is looking, we wonder how we got there and where we're going.

Or maybe it's just me.

When painful realizations hit you, how do you respond? Escape to that little corner in your world of fleeting, melancholy inspirations? Leave real life behind for a moment, the world and all its busy comings and goings, to enter into a private moment of silent contemplation? Do you express yourself in tears, capture them in writing, compose a song, bang your fists against the wall, or lay in stillness as you wonder what went wrong, how you let it happen, wondering if there growth in the pain and foolishness?

I'm tired of forgetting who I am. I may be confused and broken, but I'm no longer lost. The world still screams at me something different. But I don't need to change; why try? I may "escape" to my corner to think, but I take Someone with me.

How can I get on without my Savior? I have been a fool to try. I have drifted into that melancholy because I have given into the belief that this is all there is.
I could shut my eyes to all of this, or escape into the arms of His embrace.

"Wasted time.
I can not say that I was ready for this.
But, when worlds collide,
And all that I have is all that I want.
The words seem to flow
And the thoughts they keep running
And all that I have is yours.
All that I am is yours.
Oh...

Painted skies.
I've seen so many that cannot compare,
To your ocean eyes.
The pictures you took
That cover your room,
And it was just like the sun
But more like the moon.
A light that can reach it all.
So now I'm branded for taking the fall.
Oh...
So when you say forever,
Can't you see you've already captured me." -Mae, The Sun and the Moon